One Heroic Ideal

This past week I began thinking about how we seem to be drawn toward certain types of heroes. I began looking at the commonalities in certain heroes -- Spock from the original Star Trek, Vincent from the Beauty and the Beast series, and Mick St, John from Moonlight. Even heroes as old as Odysseus in Homer's Iliad and Odyssey.

Each of these heroes is beyond the human norm in some way. Spock is stronger and smarter; Vincent and Mick both can draw on superhuman strength and senses. Odysseus was crafty beyond other humans. Each of these heroes is, well, dangerous. Or at least potentially dangerous.

All of these heroes also faced or faces their division from the rest of humanity, however. Each of them is embroiled in dangerous levels of alienation or separation from others. Spock struggles between his human and Vulcan halves, trying to resolve an inner conflict that comes very close to a complete schism. Vincent and Mick know themselves to be "not human". Both struggle as they know there is an inner cliff, beyond which the monster roams. Odysseus' separation was more physical -- he was set to wander far from his home (his true place in the world) until his arrogance was leached from him.

Thirdly, each of these heroes struggle with an ethical or psychological integration of who they are, who they have the potential to be, and who they choose to be. Spock eventually comes to embrace both halves of himself. Vincent and Mick actively and consciously control who they are through their sense of honor and ethics. Both rise above their animalistic instincts and harness them for the benefit of others. Odysseus struggles to loose some of his overwhelming ego and arrogance without loosing who he is.

There we have it. One heroic ideal, and a strong one, born out of dangerousness, alienation & separation, and the ethical & psychological strength to overcome and integrate all of who they are for the benefit of others and for themselves.

Now, granted I'm thinking out loud, so to speak. What do you think? Does this hang together for you?



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Are You Safe Because You're Altruistic?

Do you think you are safe from cults and other forms of extreme manipulation because you are altruistic?

The sad truth is, if you are a good person who sincerely wants to do good for other people, that very trait can be used against you by a manipulator. One of the things we, as heroes, must be aware of is that our herohood -- no matter what we are basing it on -- can be used as a lure.

Any want, any desire, can be used as bait. That is what makes manipulation so insidious. Even the best of attributes can be twisted.

What do we do about this?

The main answer is that we must be aware of ourselves, our motivations, and our objectives at all times, plus we must be aware (and accept) other people's motivations. We need to look below the face value and determine if the words match the actions and the attitudes.

We must recognize that all of us -- every single one of us -- is vulnerable to manipulation if the right keys are struck at the right time.


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Heroes vs People Who Play God

Did you know some people are so lost to their own herohood that they resort to using extreme levels of manipulation to try and control other people? These are the extreme examples of unhealthy hero types. They move from working on their herohood consciously or not) to playing god.

Extreme manipulation has existed for millennium. Throughout history there have been certain charismatic people who have been able to lead others into doing things, saying things, believing things, that those followers had not and would not have normally done. This was sometimes put down as divine inspiration, sometimes as a force of will. Many times, those involved and those outside the situation didn't have any word to describe what they were seeing or experiencing.

In the last century, the confusion began to be recognized. The highly destructive manipulations of Hitler during World War II (and prior to it) brought the need to understand this form of sly coercion and bring it into focus. Although many tried to deny it, the fact remained that what had been done to the German and Central European population could also happen elsewhere. And in fact, it did. Stalin was another highly destructive manipulator, as was Mao. They, too, made their populations into "true believers."

In the mid-portion of the last century, it seemed as if there was a sudden flourishing of this phenomena. It came as a shock to people to hear American POWs in North Korea repudiate their country, and then the public began to find out what had been done to those soldiers in the North Korean prisons. A journalist coined the word "brainwashing," and suddenly it seemed as if it were everywhere. Cults seemed to spring up out of the grass overnight as we heard about the Tate-LaBianca murders, the abduction and apparent conversion of Patty Hearst, the slaughterhouse of Jonestown, and more.

At the same time, we had grown mature enough as a culture to recognize that the assault, battery and rape of a marriage partner was reprehensible and wrong. That a marriage license is not a license to abuse. But that also left us with a new question which had not been asked before. Why, since it is now understood to be "okay" to leave an abuser, do battered spouses stay? What keeps a battering relationship together?

People began to seek words to express what they were seeing. "Brainwashing" didn't make sense...it didn't explain anything. New terms came into being: totalism, mind control, coercive persuasion, and the cycle of abuse. All of these refer to the same manipulative process.

Think of it this way: extreme manipulation is a lot like normal social influence on steroids, and even more dangerous.

Would you like to know more about extreme manipulation? Read People Who Play God.


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Walking Out of the Comfort Zone

Whew! This has certainly been a time of walking outside my own comfort zone.

I recently became the Pottery Guide at About.com (pottery.about.com). This has forced me into rebuilding my studio in terms of equipment, tools and supplies -- I've been substituting painting for ceramics for more than a while, now. And although this has been a very positive regaining of a part of my life, and a creative process I absolutely revel in, it has also been highly stressful.

Due to various circumstances, I have had to strip my financial spending down to the bare minimum for years. I have done without lots of things; I will not buy what I can't afford. (To me, credit card companies are basically only legal loan sharks.)

That has become "comfortable". I am used to it. I have learned how to solve problems and live very well without having to "throw money at it". A great deal of this learning has been learning not to get something because "I want it".

Now, however, I have had to bite the bullet. I must move out of this "don't get it because you want it" mentality. Yes, I want a new potter's wheel...yes, I want a new kiln...

If it was just that, I'd do without, as I have been. BUT, I have to replace these things in order to do my job as a Guide.

Weirdly enough, buying what I want, even though I also need it, has become very uncomfortable indeed.

It has also brought me to realize yet again that, in order to really build ourselves fully as healthy, vibrant heroes, we need to accept the lessons Life and God give us. Those lessons inevitably lead us out side our comfort zones.

When you have the opportunity (or are forced, *wry smile*) to walk outside your own comfort zone, how do you react? What's your own attitude? Do you embrace it as an opportunity (which it is) to expand yourself and your herohood? To know yourself better, and perhaps work on areas that are troublesome or simply could be improved?

My own personal prayer, odd or not, is "Lord, thank you for making me horribly uncomfortable today. And hey, thanks for caring enough about me to want me to grow!"


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Great Minds Thinking Alike

Remember last post I gave a few simple exercises to help you discover your own form of herohood? Ah! Roy Leighton over at the BBC site has just posted a short article that expands on that.

He gives six steps that you can use to help you become the hero you want to be, in a rather fun and interesting way. Check out his article here!


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What kind of hero are you?

We don't all define our personal concept of hero-hood in the same way...not hardly! lol....Nope, the truth is that heroes come in all sorts of different packages and have different heroic styles.

How do you discover your own definition of hero? Simply ask yourself... where do you feel strongest, most at peace, and/or most alive? What makes you feel good about yourself? What makes you feel best about your self? Where do you base your sense of self-worth?

Three basic archetypes of hero styles are the Saint, the Scholar, and the Strongman (or the Warrior, but I like the alliteration of the first one, lol). There are lots of subtypes and even combinations of these three basic archetypes.

In essence, the Saint hero-types all value being "good" in some way. It is through being good, in one form or another, that makes them feel good about themselves and builds up either their self-esteem or their self-image.

The Scholar hero-types all value being "smart" in some way. This could be formal schooling, general intelligence, street-smarts, skills, talents, etc. The Scholar types base their sense of self-worth, ergo their sense of hero-hood, in one (or more) of these areas.

The Strongman hero-types, you guessed it, all value being strong, in one way or another. This could be physical strength, other physical attributes (such as beauty), emotional endurance, the ability to defend (or harm) others, and so on.

Okay. You ready?? Let's find out what kind of hero you are! Here are some Heroic Exercises just for you!! ;-)

1. Sometimes the easiest way to discover something about our self is to find out the opposite value. Think back to the last time you were in conflict with another person. What were you internally saying to yourself about the other person?

Were you thinking that they were stupid? That they were emotionally unstable? That they don't care about the reality or truth of the situation? Did you call them a liar?

Whatever you saw as the negative aspect of the other person gives you a sizable clue as to what you value. For example, if you were thinking they were such a liar, it's likely that you value truthfulness. And if you strongly value truthfulness as a concept, you probably also highly value it within yourself.

2. Think of your favorite fictional or historical hero. Were they a type of Saint, Scholar, or Strongman, or a combination of these? Specifically, what made that hero a hero to you? Do you find yourself emulating that (those) attribute(s)? Do you wish you did?

3. We are all the hero of our own story...it is simply the way in which we see ourselves within the context of our lives. Our style of hero-hood is based in our need for self-worth. With this in mind, complete the following statements:
I feel best about myself when I __________________________________.
I am a hero because I __________________________________________.


Generally speaking, the more we engage in the actions and/or thought processes that we base our hero-hood upon, the stronger our sense of hero-hood becomes...the more self-esteem we have. So..... hey! It makes sense, then, to consciously figure out what kind of hero we are, and then consciously build up our sense of our hero-hood through following through on that base concept about our self.



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Healthy heroes and unhealthy heroes

Just like belly buttons, hero-types come in two versions: innies and outies.

"Eh? What on earth does that mean?" you query??

*low chuckle* Well, my friend, that means that you can either base your self-concept / self-image (and ergo your sense of hero-hood) on controlling your inner world, or trying to control the outer world.

Now there is a catch to this. We actually can take control of our inner world. Buuuuuutttttt...... We cannot truly control our outer world (people other than ourselves, events, and situations).

Trying to control the outer world is ultimately always doomed to failure. Which means that those hero-types that are "outies" can 1) never really achieve their goal and 2) never really be happy. They will always be in conflict with the outer world, simply because they are continually trying to control it, and the outer world will never be controllable.

But worse! There is a third result as well.... By trying to control the outer world, these heroes are abdicating their ability to control their own self.

Let's look at an example of what I mean....

Hero A is an "innie" hero-type of the Strongman variety. He values his internal strength and ability to overcome adversity. He understands that bad things can happen to good people, and he uses them (painful as they may be) to test and work his internal 'muscle'. He pats himself on the back when he feels he's done a good job; he doesn't overly mind when other people don't recognize his hard work, because he recognizes his hard work, and that's most important to him.

Hero A understands that he cannot control the weather, he can only control his reactions to it and his actions concerning it.

Hero A is a healthy hero.

Hero B, on the other hand, is an "outie" hero-type of the Strongman variety. He values his strength of will as measured by being able to get other people to do what he wants them to. When another person does what he wants them too, he preens himself and pats himself on the back --- whether or not he had any influence over that person's course of action or not. When another person does not do what he wants them to, he becomes angry. He also feels betrayed and outraged. How dare they not do as he wants? Whether or not he asked or even commanded them to!

Hero B will often begin manipulating others in an attempt to control them.

The problem is, people... even under the influence of extreme levels of manipulation... will not always do what Hero B wants them to. This undermines Hero B's confidence, which in turn makes him angry and even more controlling.

Hero B also assumes (probably subconsciously) that he should be in control over circumstances, as well. If he has a parade, it becomes a personal insult to him and his ego if it should dare to rain. Should gasoline prices go up on the morning he is driving out-of-state, it becomes a conspiracy aimed at keeping him, personally, from taking his rightful place (as a leader) at XYZ conference.

As you can begin to gather, everything that takes place is, in Hero B's eyes, all about him. No matter how far fetched that idea is if looked at logically or rationally.

Hero B is...you got it....an unhealthy hero.

One could make a case for even calling some "outie" heroes anti-heroes. But, they don't see themselves that way. Even the most unhealthy of heroes still does see themself as the hero of their own story.

The good news is that, should they want to, those people with unhealthy styles of hero-hood can change them into healthy ones. They can do this through consistently breaking the habit of thinking in terms the outside world.

Instead, they need to consciously focus on what they expect from themselves (not what others expect) and rewarding themselves with a pat on the back when they reach their own self-determined goals (rather than waiting or expecting one from someone else). They must be willing to be their own judge and willingly work on problem areas they may have, rather than simply shifting the blame (and therefore the responsibility) onto someone else.

Well, this is just a glance at innies and outies, but I hope now that I have planted this concept in your head, that you'll take a closer look at it. See what it means to you, and explore your own sense of hero-hood in this light.

Happy Hero-ing!!


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